A slow walk towards the door reveals to me how little i desire to leave, but I know I need to. things change and  move forward and we must allow ourselves to mold to who we must become as time passes, our duties, and the fulfillment of long dreamt dreams.
        How is it that we let ourselves think that the future is so distant, as if we are living in an eternal present? I think it is a way that our minds are able to live each second with significance. How, though, to find the balance between letting the past and future be our context and our present be what we focus on the most because it is with what we hold every minute at our reach? The past and future are always a little beyond our reach. Why do we yearn so much for things that are gone and fear so much what is to come?
         We tend to idealize the past in many ways but perhaps it is only because we know it so well and can pick and choose how to see it all. The future we know nothing of except the desires and hopes we project upon it. I think we are afraid that they will not be realized and how that will affect us and how we face our lives.
       In a way we are prisoners of time, but in another- we are set free by it. We are perhaps set free from things that threaten to last too long, problems or pain that threatens to linger, circumstances that threaten not to change. We are prisoners of time in the sense that it carries us forward, away from situations we have grown accustomed to, people we have grown close to and realities that we are attached to and even love. How do we learn to face this dichotomy with strength, or even pleasure?

             Anything could be in the future. As time moves forward we are taken along and sometimes thrust into pain. We know that possibility well and see it happen around us all the time. We are so vulnerable and raw, so reactive to everything and every situation that we face.
             Is it possible that we could focus on a higher reality, the reality of things that aren't susceptible to time or change? There are truths about human nature that never change. Truths about justice, love, friendship and loyalty I believe stay the same.
      Through our values and world-view we see our lives. This affects how our past, present and future affect us. Our reality also has much to do  with how we see things and what we choose to believe and know about the world around us. If how much I love and give affects my happiness, I am sure that when I do so I will find contentment when I engage in this personal feat. Why does this affect my happiness? Because it is a deep set value I have chosen as part of my world-view. I believe that it is more worthwhile than many things in the world. Time cannot affect this part of me. Many parts of who I am can develop, but their very essence will never change. I am who I am. How does this help me in facing the past and future? This particular value reminds me that I can still be who I am even if things around me change. I can only be who i am though, by the strength of God within me. Without him I believe I would falter and fall and change. He is the solid rock I stand upon no matter what winds blow around me. I am firmly founded in him. He is the constant and unchangeable one in this swiftly tilting and turning world we live in. We are so variable apart from him. In my past he is almighty God, in my present, and in my future he is almighty God. Because I have a constant in my life... THE constant one in my life...my fears aren't as big as they would be. This is only because I know that the constant one is good. He is good and loving and forgiving and a source of strength and renewal for those that would seek him. I am who I am because he is who he is.

Waves of wind beat against face and penetrate my clothes as I sit near the door pondering what is next in the journey. Its not that there are steps to be taken. I prefer to see everything flowing together with blurry lines of gradation, not stairs or rungs on a ladder. When something begins or ends specifically in terms of being in a place, working with a specific organization it is easy to say, one door closes and another opens. I don't like it. I think I see my life more as a constant me moving forward with time and taking things with me to face the future. People define their lives in chapters, pages, stages, etc, etc. I like to see my life as a journey a bit like the Pilgrims Regress by C.S. Lewis. It makes me uncomfortable to put time periods in boxes and label them. I suppose I am walking in an area of the journey that is a bit blurred. It has been place to place to place. In between those places there are in between no mans lands that need to be crossed. I am crossing a sort of no mans land now thinking of what is passed, attempting to decipher my surroundings, anticipating what is on the other side, hoping, dreaming, and fearing what is next...

Hola gente... pasa y pasa el tiempo. Somos esclavos de el. Sera que tambien nos libera? Las cosas q vivimos sea dolor o alegria llegan a su fin o se desarrollan con el tiempo. Somos el variable.

Tafi

 

[He and Camille are both in a brightly lit room overlooking busy streets below, but no sound reaches them. She is somewhat aloof, her mind seemingly elsewhere. He has been waiting to talk to her, feeling it is now the time to attemp this.]

Camille.. *silence*... let me look into the deep pools of your eyes.. and let us talk to one another

there is something you already know if you have stared into my person as I have into you

*silence*

"I like watching the sunlight dance on your thoughts as you reason through my meandering"

*silence*

"Camille, won't you say something? you have that funny laughing look behind your eyes, but are trying so hard to appear serious!"

"Silly, Camille
don't you know I can read you as well as I can read your writings?"

"True, you are not an open book- but your pages sometimes fall out of the binding and I tend to pick up after you as you walk away..."

"You might have noticed they were gone if you looked back as you sometimes threaten to as I watch your sway...
but you don't"

"Well? so silent?"
"Alright,don't say anything please...-I'd rather guess at your thoughts and at least make them what I would like to hear;

at least for a moment... please".....*silence*

"stay silent"

*sigh*

"maybe the muse was wrong- maybe I should not have said anything today"

"But...how could she be wrong??"

"She tends to be intuitive about these things-
Perhaps I should not have taken her thoughts as possible truth...!"

"Camille...."

*silence*

"Camille... your eyes are sad..."

"please don't-----" "nooo..........."

!!!!!!!

"why are you laughing!?"

"and now you turn around like this?"

"and.....and- walk away?"

[Camille picks up her stack of books she had put down beside her and walks slowly away]

[as she leaves, a page slips out and falls on the floor but she doesn't notice and closes the door behind her]

[He walks softly over and picks it up and reads:]

"and if ever I should find true love at my doorstep I should have to but walk away at the thought of being fully known- for if not a mystery to all, a mystery to none and therefore I, no-one"

random thoughts- november 11, 2007

I once thought that if this screen could have a different backgroung color it might be more inspirational for writing (it is white, by the way). I have been really trying to figure out why I have such a hard time getting in to gear when it comes down to it. I try to set the atmosphere, try to wait for the right moment, mood, ideas, passion, and who knows all what more to set a perfect and ideal stage to actually sit down and write something worth while my later reading or even someone elses. I think one of my problems is that I am a perfectionist in my writing- without the attempt. It really would be different if I had attempted once, twice, maybe even five times to write and re-write the same thing and then discarded it because I thought it wasn't any good. Why do you suppose instead of doing it- I sit back and say... "no, not now".. "wait till the moment, weather, inspiration, muse, etc is all ideal". The fact is that it never comes. You'd think that after a certain amount of time had gone by without the perfect moment I would realize that I may have to attempt it without this and actually write and rewrite until I enjoyed every bit of what it was that I wrote while reading it and actually thought it was readable to even one other set of eyes, human or otherwise. I think I will call this the obstacle of a-priori resignation in the face of fear of failure... (aka non-perfection) in the written art. This is a very bad obstacle... and the issue at hand is that I need to stop it in its tracks, uproot it before I actually believe it is true. The fact is that somewhere along the way it became a "creencia basica" or basic belief or assumption. Where? I don't know, why? I don't know either, but it is untrue. Most great works of art in any form have started out rough and then slowly been worked and re-worked in order to become the "final product" they are today. I think I expect writing to be like painting for me- spontaneous and flowering in the moment- and sometimes it happens with writing I suppose but last only for so long and many times before I can finish what I have started. When I paint, I set it all up and start painting.. and as I add color and texture- if I like it I leave it, if I don't I add to it or change it- but for me, it is a much faster process.. it doesn't need a beggining and ending.. it is one full peice in itself. If I want to write a story it really takes a lot more pre-planning, for example. Do I expect an instant blooming of a poem? I sometimes do... kind of like when I am playing the guitar and strike a few chords and pluck the strings in a specific order and then re-order those same chords.. and a new melody is created.. and it's lovely to me. I really hope that I am not as superficial as it perhaps appears- in the fact that I seem to want instant gratification- this is not it at all. I want inspiration and I want "effective" work. I don't want to waste time on something that wil not turn out. I guess though, that this is the sacrifice of every artist, and really the working with art does go beyond the product itself and has a lot more to do with the process and what the process itself does to the artist and his abilities. Usually, ideas and inspiration seem to come from working, not from something that was dreamed one night and then materialized as with the art of magic the next day on a whim. Maybe the fact that I work with paint and after some time it turns into what I see as beauty or expression shows me that it is not as spontaneous as I made it out to be. Even the playing of the guitar and a new arrangement comes after some time of plucking and experimenting. I believe I have found part of the answer... "experimenting and working bring about ideas that in turn may inspire to start an even more invigorating experiment that may also in turn satisfy in its product"!!!! In other words.. I need to sit down and experiment even when I am not "inspired" perse and maybe- just maybe will come to a place that inspires me more and gives me more reason to continue! I know it sounds like I am going around in circles, but do you see my train of thought? I am satisfied in this meandering and digging up of answers through reflection and introspection! viva la expresion!

poesia

En Una Noche Azul Marino- 6 de Agosto 2006

En una noche azul marino
Las cortinas bailan una zamba
en mi ventana al entrar la brisa
Luz suave ,como de velas,
alumbra desde mi lampara solitaria

En una noche azul marino
llegas a mi mente con ternura
a mi corazon, a mi alma


En una noche azul marino
me visitas con el viento,
con el cielo granizado

En una noche azul marino
Las cortinas bailan una zamba
en mi ventana al entrar la brisa
Luz suave ,como de velas,
alumbra desde mi lampara solitaria

Traes junto a ti
todo lo que recuerda
a la delicada calidez de vivir
cuando estas cerca
aunque estes lejos
en una noche azul marino


-elizabeth greenman

Diciembre del 2006

on another note.. I'm relaxing in a dim-lit room on the couch right now.. the cat is sleeping on the back of the couch.. and the dog is sleeping on the floor next to me. I feel a soft cool breeze coming in the large window near me bringing in the scent of baking bread from the corner bakery near my house. The clock is ticking softly and random cars and motorcycles driving past. The barometer is pointing towards rain.. and the fan is humming gently in the background. It's fifteen minutes to one... and my mind wanders- I am not sleepy.

-------


the wind that blows through branches
speaks of secrets kept

pulsing life in leaves is hidden
as songs are sung within them

they dance with the wind
in passionate trance

the wind in the leaves
a wild romance

teorias para las relaciones interpersonales- :) pensamientos mios

About People

if assuming negative things- always ask or give benefit of the doubt
if assuming unproven things- ask- or give benefit of the doubt (or let it go)

if assuming positive things- keep them until unproven
if assuming aparently proven things- keep

if assuming aparently negative proven things- confront when necessary (always ask first) or keep humbly
(without harboring any resentment).

otra reflexion del 2006

la noche esta fresca y escucho ladridos de perro a una cuadra. Los autos y motos tambien agregan a la noche un aire de vida. La gente todavia no esta toda en su casa descansando. Life is short, life is sometimes too long. It really depends how you look at things and what you are living through that gives you one and maybe a few similar or contradictory perspectives. Some people don't have the strength to stop for a moment to actually ponder on life and how they see it. They are suffering too much, with war and disease, hunger and desolation, oppression and loneliness. Have you ever asked yourself, why am I here? what is my role in all of this? in society, in the most crucial issues surrounding us all? How can you not feel a responsibility to be a part of what is happening around you? People are going about their lives and most of what they do is for themselves and the few people that they are close to or responsible for. If it were to continue this way, everyone doing what they do because they care about themselves.. what would happen to the families that can't make it on their own? what about the children who are abandoned? abused? used? women who are forced into prostitution by their own desperation. They see an "easy" and "fast" way to earn money.. and they will easily give in. Don't you realize that if you don't live for the good of others also, you are adding to the growing apathy and neglegence of social awareness? what good is the focus on money? I understand that everyone has needs and wants, but what good does it do to live a life full of money that you don't need and doesn't help you? Why not use the extra time that you usually work to earn money that you don't need in order to do things and help people that literally need you. There are many reasons for weakness and oppression. It is wrong to conclude that all people who are oppressed or poor didn't try hard enough. There IS such a thing as oppression and the human desire for power and control hurting and destroying societies that don't have the resources, wisdom, or strength to fight back. Why do people continue to live only for themselves!! ? don't they see that if we all would put in our grain of sand we would soon have a sea bed that would hold the greatest and most resistant ocean in its palm!!

social responsibility
love
unselfishness
life...en torno a los demas

aveces no entiendo..

Mi clase de chicas de 8-11 anios- Fundacion Talita Cumi- Marzo-Julio 2007

Mi clase de chicas de 8-11........... (Marzo del 2007)

Eliana del Valle Ibarra- 10***** 6 de Dic
Alexia Nicole Rojas- 10*******1 de Abril
Yohana Miranda del Valle- 9******4 de Mayo
Gisela Silvina Maidana- 9******29 de Octubre
Leila Daniela Velarde- 11******9 de Octubre
Estefania Maribel Miranda- 8******26 de Febrero
Sofia Molina
Maria Jose Molina
Micaela Celeste Maldonado
Emilse
Daniela Cruz
(Daniela)


-----------------------------------------
Eliana Ibarra

07-03-2007 P
es una nena muy callada- pero si uno se acerca y le hace
preguntas, si las contesta. siempre es muy respetuosa y no tiene problemas con hacer lo que uno le pide. Le gusta dibujar. No se anima a orar todavia. Es muy servicial. Sumisa.


Alexia Rojas

07-03-2007 A
Es una chica con caracter fuerte, pero si uno trabaja con ella, si se puede hablar y ella entiende. La mayoria de las veces hace caso y no suele contestar mal. Le gusta limpiar la Fundacion.


Yohana Miranda

07-03-2007 A
Es una nena dulce, pero aveces peleadora. Si alguien pelea o le hace algo suele vengarse. Si alguien pelea con las hermanas, le grita o le pega a la otra persona. Le gusta pintarse las unas. Esta dispuesta siempre a limpiar en la fundacion. Persuasiva.


Gisela Maidana

07-03-2007 P
Es una nena muy responsable y cariniosa. Aveces es seria. Le gusta mucho ayudar con cualquier cosa. Se nota que tiene preocupaciones pero es reservada con ellas. Rara vez es rebelde, pero cuando lo es- es porque le pasa algo, quizas esta triste o paso algo en la escuela o la casa. Le gusta estudiar- y es importante para ella. Sumisa. Hoy estaba triste porque el hermano, Jesus, esta en un hogar y su mama se esta por ir de viaje.


Daniela Velarde

07-03-2007 A
Es una chica muy consciente. Quiere colaborar en la clase y trata de decirles a las chicas que tambien lo hagan. Me menciono que le gustaria hablar de los problemas que tiene en la casa.


Estefania Miranda (hermana de Yohana)

07-03-2007 A
Tiene 8 anios pero aveces se comporta como mas chica. Quiere llamar la atencion y aveces se comporta mal. Es cerrada y aveces caprichosa, pero cariniosa y demostrativa cuando quiere serlo. Persuasiva.


Sofia Molina

07-03-2007 P
Es una nena dulce, de caracter fuerte pero muy sensible. Acepto a Cristo el sabado 3 de Marzo del 2007. Entendio todo y quiere saber mas de Jesus y que el le ayude a cambiar. Tiene preocupaciones en la casa. La mama tiene un virus. Cuida al hermano menor de un anio, pero le falta paciencia. Aveces le pega cuando llora. Es muy cariniosa y demostrativa. Persuasiva. Hoy lloro porque las chicas no le quisieron prestar papel de calcar.


Maria Jose (hermana de Sofia)

07-03-2007 P
Es muy alegre y no suele pelear. Le gusta mucho dibujar y necesita que la animen en lo que hace. Es muy cariniosa y demostrativa. Persuasiva. Hoy quiso hacer 3 dibujos. :)


Micaela Maldonado

07-03-2007 P
Es una chica dulce y cariniosa. Le gusta hacer bromas, pero aveces es sarcastica y critica a los demas. Es mas madura que las otras y trata de ayudarlas a colaborar en la clase. Es cariniosa y divertida. Hoy fue la primera vez en mi clase y creo que se puede integrar bien.


Emilse

07-03-2007 P
Es dulce cuando quiere serlo. Pelea con las demas.. pero la mayoria de las veces es porque esta triste o enojada por algo que la lastimo. Necesita apoyo, carinio y paciencia. Le duele que su mama este lejos (Bs As). Hoy dibujo a la familia (cuando les dije que dibujaran algo que querian que Dios cambie). De la izquierda a la derecha dibujo a su abuela, su tio, ella, sus hermanitos, y su mama. Los dibujo un poco mas grandes a su abuela y a su tio. Le estuve ayudando con las tareas de la casa (va a 2o) y parece que le cuesta acordarse los sonidos de las letras y tiene que practicar los numeros. Una cosa que note es que se memorizo la apariencia de las vocales y cuenta con los dedos para saber cuales son cuando le dicto algo.


Daniela

07-03-2007 P
Es la nena menor de 11 hermanos. Tiene problemas con el asma. Necesita apoyo en la lectura y la escritura. Le gusta mucho dibujar. Necesita carinio. Mayormente si se le hace preguntas las contesta- es abierta. (aveces es atrevida y hay que hablarle de eso). Hoy trabaje con ella en lengua, y le cuestan los dictados. Aveces cuando le dicto palabras, cambia el orden de las letras. por ej. le dicte "EL" y escribio "LE". Esto me paso varias veces.

pensamientos- julio del 2006

Llegas a un punto en tu vida en el que te das cuenta que no podes volver atras- que todo lo vivido ya fue vivido y lo unico que falta vivir es el maniana. Aunque trates de volver a vivir lo que ya has vivido, no es posible. Todos los recuerdos son parte de tu vida pero no para volver a vivirlos sino que son parte de la base de quien sos y quien vas a ser maniana. Cada dia de mi vida forma parte de mi presente de alguna forma u otra. Muchas veces me ha costado ser quien soy por querer ser la que creo querer ser. Siempre con una meta mas alla de la que ya he logrado. Supongo que esta bien querer mas. Esta bien tener metas y suenios, almenos que no dejemos que nos dominen. Si dejamos que nuestras metas nos miren desde lejos con burla diciendo "jajaja no has llegado!!", no nos sirve de nada, pero si miramos hacia atras un poquito podremos ver adonde hemos llegado y podremos decirle a nuestro 'yo' de ayer, viste que si se pudiste? llegaste! quizas asi nuestra sonrisa se mantenga un poco mas firme entre nuestras mejillas. Es dificil ver el pasar de los anios, al saber que podrias haber hecho mas.. lo podrias haber hecho mas rapido, mejor, y con mas fuerzas- pero de eso consiste la vida, supongo, y eso es lo que nos dice: "ahora que sabes lo que pudiste haber hecho- hacelo hoy, y no lo dejes para maniana." Con estas cosas voy entendiendo mas que cada dia que he vivido aun forma parte de mi vida. Si no hubiera vivido 22 anios, no hubiera aprendido todo lo que se aprende con las experiencias vividas. Sin experiencias uno no aprende, y sin experiencias dificiles uno no madura. Sin experiencias faciles uno no entiende lo que es una experiencia dificil, y sin experiencias dolorosas uno no entiende en su totalidad lo que es una experiencia feliz. Sin experiencias dolorosas uno no sabra agradecer, y sin saber agradecer como puede uno encontrarle el gusto a cada dia? No es que uno se haya hecho la vida para uno- eso seria mirar el sol a ciegas y pensar que es la luna. La vida es un regalo, somos solo el receptor- y debemos admitirlo con sinceridad. Aunque seamos receptor de la respiracion, el despertar cada dia, y de cada experiencia y oportunidad- debemos ser responsables por cada paso que tomamos, cada decision. Si, hay cosas que no hemos podido controlar, pero todo lo demas es nuestra responsabilidad.
Creo que una de las cosas mas importantes que he aprendido es que la gracia de Dios nos libera de nuestra mente acusadora, de nuestra culpa por no haberlo hecho, por haberlo hecho sabiendo que no deberia haberlo hecho, por haberlo hecho tarde, por haberlo hecho mal, por haberlo hecho bien pero con malas intenciones, por haberlo hecho a medias, por haberlo hecho a solas, por haberlo hecho con sabiduria humana, por haberlo hecho sin fe, por haberlo hecho sin consejo, por haberlo hecho en contra de un consejo.. por haberlo hecho sin ganas, por haberlo hecho con bronca, por haberlo hecho a la mediocridad, por haberlo hecho por orgullo para el ojo humano, por haberlo hecho por celos, por haberlo hecho para uno, por haberlo hecho fuera de tiempo, por haberlo hecho con miedo, por haberlo hecho con un corazon indispuesto, por no haber hecho lo que debiamos, por haber hecho lo que no debiamos, por haber hecho algo que lastimo a otro, por haber hecho algo que nos deja impuros, por haber hecho algo despues de pedir perdon, por haber hecho algo en contra de la clara sabiduaria de Dios, por haber hecho tantas cosas que el enemigo usaria en mi contra... Dios me dice.. Jesus tomo tu lugar para que tengas GRACIA y PAZ, no importa lo que has hecho... importa lo que ha hecho EL.

Talita Cumi

 

 

 

 

Es una noche de octubre, son las 4 menos 5 de la man*ana y sigo despierta (a algunos de ustedes no les sorprendera, je). No tengo suen*o.. para serles sincera. Estuve viendo un poco el blog, edite algunas cosas y decidi que ya era tiempo de publicar algo. Les parece?... La ultima vez que les puse algo personal escrito, fue ya hace mas de un an*o- Ha sido lindo llegar a ver adonde me lleva este sinuoso camino. Si, pude ir a Argentina para las fiestas del 2006 y me termine recibiendo y viviendo un tiempo con mis abuelos antes de salir. En Tucuman me recibio la primavera floreada y humeda.. las mismas calles, los mismos aromas. Estuve 9 meses en Argentina haciendo muchas cosas- viajando, haciendo tramites para el Peace Corps, y trabajando con nenas en riesgo en la Fundacion Cristiana "Talita Cumi". Refrescante, diria yo- fue el tiempo de recordar, revivir, y crear nuevos recuerdos con gente querida. Todas las veces que iba a la fundacion- las chicas me recibian con un fuerte saludo "Don*a Elizabeeeee!!!!" besos y abrazos.. ellas fueron una de las cosas que me llenaron y agregaron mucho a mi experiencia de estar de nuevo alla. Los momentos con mis amigos y familiares no los cambio por nada. Dormir en la misma habitacion de mi nin*ez fue nostalgico y le agrego dulzura a mis dias. Ahora estoy en Michigan de vuelta.. en la misma casa de mis abuelos, en un periodo de paciencia. Dentro de poco voy a saber mas de mi proyecto con el Peace Corps... otra aventura.. otra gente.... y otros recuerdos se estan por formar. Mientras tanto tengan en mente que el camino esta lleno de detalles que solo llegan a su verdadero valor cuando lo permitimos. Escuchen el sonido de la lluvia y denle el valor que merece...

En la Universidad...2002-2006

 

 

 

 

 

 

Michi

  

mi gatita-

  

en la secundaria fue asi
 

Cena de egresados- 14 de Diciembre, 2001
adonde esta Wally?
 

San Patricio

Colación 2001-recuerdos

En un asiento del Teatro San Martín
sentada
Con mis palmas presionadas una contra
la otra
El entusiasmo burbujeaba dentro mío junto a los nervios
Que sentía apretar en mi garganta con cada inspiración,
Mi pollera gris planchada y prolija
Mantenia la camisa blanca contra mi cuerpo
todo me aseguraba que este momento no era un simple sueňo
O una invención de mi mente.
Las medias verde-oscuras subidas y dobladas
Prolíjamente en vez de estar caidas hasta los tobillos
El atardecer zumbaba de anticipación,
Las otras caras adolescentes alrededor mío reflejaban, quizás,
Algunas de mis mismas emociones.
De pronto escuché anunciar mi nombre desde el escenario y comprendí que
Debía ser mi turno para subir con mis padres al frente
El mundo que me rodeaba rapidamente se hizo un remolino de gente
Me levanté y caminé hacia lo que concluiria otra etapa mas
de lo que se llama vida... un diploma, besos y un suspiro

EG